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The pitch black room made me feel anxious inside from knowing what was inside. It was freezing, I started to get a brain freeze and I haven’t even had a slurpy. It smelt rotten and mouldy, it was like it was abandoned. As I look around the room the light darkens and it felt like the walls were closing in. Then I heard a creak as I turned around it was confusing. A I tried to work our what the creak was I saw a bright light. A the light came closer I was terrified, Then ‘BANG’.
Good use of wow words and good punctuation.
http://www.y5.highpriamryshcool.net
By using some excellent descriptive words, you’ve created a real sense of atmosphere in this 100WC Jayme. You’ve cleverly told us what the surroundings are like and how it feels, but we don’t know where the character is or why they’re there and by doing that you’re encouraging us to use our imaginations. Brilliant! You’ve even gone one step further and left us on a real cliffhanger – what on earth could that bang have been?!